Good advice for you who have experienced a traumatic incident and for your relatives.

Here you will find some advice on what you can do in the first hours and days if you feel overwhelmed by discomfort, emotions, and thoughts about what has happened.

You will also get information about possible reactions that may appear in the longer term – and what you can do if you experience some of them.

Relatives who are close to you may also be struggling after what happened and may be unsure of what to do. You will also find good advice specifically for them.

Be aware of how you react

People react differently to serious incidents. Some experience a strong reaction immediately, while for others, the reaction is milder or delayed.

Be aware of how you feel. Acknowledge your reactions – and seek help if you need it. See where you can get assistance on this page.

What you do in the very first hours after the incident can have a big impact on how deeply unpleasant memories will remain with you.

The best thing you can do is turn your attention to something that can distract your thoughts in a positive way.

Follow these tips in the first 6 hours:

1. Do something to calm yourself

Try to relax as much as possible so that the flood of emotions you are likely experiencing can be somewhat reduced.

Engage in calm activities that are comfortable for you.

For example, listen to quiet music or watch a movie with a calm story. You can also play a relaxing computer game.

Such activities can help divert your thoughts from what has happened. If you manage to find some peace, less adrenaline will be produced in your body, which will be good for you.

Avoid intensive physical activity that increases your heart rate. Also, avoid alcohol consumption.

2. Do not go to sleep

It can be tempting to try to sleep and escape the unpleasant emotions, but wait at least 6 hours.

Sleep in the first hours will increase the risk of having unpleasent memories remain with you.

3. Do not tell detailed accounts of what you have experienced

As much as possible, only provide brief, factual information about the incident in the first hours.

Detailed accounts of what happened will increase the risk that unpleasant impressions and sensory experiences will remain with you. This can lead to recurring flashbacks later – in the form of overwhelming memories or nightmares.

Also, avoid detailing the emotions or physical reactions the incident has provoked.

4. Accept care - and do not be alone

You should not be alone in the first hours. It is good to be surrounded by someone who can care for you and be there. Do not talk too much about what happened – instead, focus on what would feel good right now, such as a blanket around your shoulders, a cup of tea, or holding someone's hand.

The important thing is the feeling of not being alone. This can reduce the negative emotional impacts in the long run.

5. Get help to gain an overview of what has happened

If there are rescue personnel or others present, get their help to gain an overview of what has happened. Knowing this can help alleviate some of your worries and speculations.

If you try to piece together an explanation based on what you remember, there is a risk that you will hold on to the unpleasant impressions you have received – and this should be avoided.

Be satisfied if at this stage you can get a broad overview of the incident.

Later it may be useful to talk to others who were involved in the incident. Together you can try to reach a description of the course of events that is as coherent and objective as possible.

Talking together about the incident can reduce any feelings of loneliness you may each have.

People react differently after a violent incident. Here is an overview of reactions that can typically occur in the first hours and days:

• It may feel unreal – almost as if everything is happening in a dream.
• Changed sense of time. It may feel as if time is standing still – or flying by.
• Sensory impressions can "burn into" and "stick" in your consciousness with an intensity beyond the ordinary, so, for example, smells and sounds are remembered very clearly.
• Physical reactions. The body may react with for example tremors, palpitations, malaise, headaches, and you may feel cold or sweat.
• Emotional reactions. Right after the violent incident, sensory impressions can be very painful because they have been imprinted in memory as very detailed images. Thoughts such as meaninglessness and death can be with you.
• No reaction. Not everyone has an emotional reaction to what they have experienced – and for some, this can lead to speculation about whether it is normal to be so unaffected.

Other reactions that can occur in the early stages

A violent experience can trigger some "big" thoughts and feelings that can be very overwhelming:

• You may suddenly lose faith in the thought of the world being safe and predictable. You may be filled with thoughts like "How could this happen?" and "What should I do if it happens again?". This can lead to suddenly feeling powerless or helpless.
• You may also experience a loss of control – or that life has now lost its meaning.
• Trust in others can be affected – for example, common thoughts can center around topics like: "Who can I trust?" or "There is no God if something like this can happen."
• You may be hit by self-criticism and a sense of having failed. Some of the thoughts that can occur can be: "I should have foreseen this happening", or "Why didn’t I do something?"

• You may become irritable, angry, or directly hostile to the surroundings.
• You may become very vigilant and/or suspicious.
• You may become withdrawn and self-destructive.
• Some people will completely lose interest in what is happening around them – or it may feel distant as if they are not part of it. Others cannot feel positive emotions.

Many will experience sleep problems.

Let go if you are struck by guilt or shame

If you are struck by heavy thoughts about what you should and ought to have done in the situation, don't be too hard on yourself.

Remember, we all act in the moment – based on what we see and perceive at the given time.

Later, when we have a better overview of what happened, it may turn out that something should have been handled differently.

However, that insight was not available when the incident occurred, and therefore it makes no sense to blame yourself for not doing it.

Psychological reactions tend to appear little by little. They can appear and disappear again – with varying intensity and for shorter or longer periods.

The experience and reactions will be different from person to person. Some can quickly put the incident behind them and return to everyday life, while others may be affected for a longer period.

Strong reactions over the first month do not necessarily mean they will last for a long time.

Seek help if your reactions intensify or persist

If you are still very affected after 4 weeks, you should seek professional help.

Start by contacting your own doctor, who can assess whether you need treatment, for example, from a psychologist.

Possibility of subsidized psychological help

If you are a member of the health insurance 'Danmark', group 1 or 2, you can be referred to a course of psychological crisis help. Your own doctor or the emergency medical service can refer you to a relevant psychologist.

The offer will consist of up to 12 consultations, which must be started within 6 months and completed no later than 12 months after the event that triggered the need for psychological crisis help.

You do not have to handle everything alone

If you are a person who usually handles most things yourself, you may find it difficult to acknowledge that you need help.

Remember, though, that what you have been through is profound and unusual.

Therefore, do not consider it a defeat if, in this particular situation, you need someone to help you.

Symptoms you should be aware of

If you continue to be burdened by the symptoms described here after the first weeks or months, you should consider seeking professional help:

• The incident is experienced again and again. Strong impressions have 'burned into' the memory with strong images. They appear especially when you are about to sleep, and it worsens your sleep.
• Anxiety and unrest. You may for example be anxious that something serious will happen to you or your family. Maybe you feel unsafe, restless and uneasy – or you have a strong feeling of being helpless or powerless.
• Physical reactions – in the form of tension, stomach pain, headaches, fatigue, etc.
• Emotional imbalance – in the form of, for example, disproportionately strong reactions to small everyday problems.
• Irritability – and reduced patience.
• Anger – typically in the form of intense anger towards those responsible for the incident.
• Guilt, shame, and self-reproach – feelings that can arise even if there is no real reason for them.
• Tendency to isolate yourself – for example, a strong urge to 'withdraw' from the company of others and only associate with those closest to you. Maybe you feel passive and without initiative, even in relation to simple daily chores.
• Concentration and memory problems – for example, it may be difficult to focus on work tasks or practical chores. Daily tasks may seem meaningless.

The reactions you experience can cost you a lot of energy, perhaps for a long time. If you cannot manage everything you usually do for a period, accept that this is how it is.

Accept help from others so you can be relieved.

What you have been through should not overshadow your entire life. Therefore, prioritize being with people you care about and who mean something to you.

Do not give up

Maybe you find it hard to concentrate – or your ability to feel motivation or joy is challenged. Still, try to do something that usually makes you happy.

Be aware that you may react differently than usual when you are with others – and accept that this is how it is right now.

If the incident has made it difficult for you to find meaning in life, consider making an appointment with a priest or a psychologist. These are professionals used to talking about the difficult things in life.

• Do not be afraid of the reactions that arise, whether emotional or physical. You are probably reacting normally to an unusual experience.
• Do not try to numb your reactions with medication, alcohol, or other substances.
• Resume your daily tasks and job as quickly as possible. It can give a sense of security to do what you usually do. It can also provide a break from the anxiety you may sometimes experience.
• If you cannot perform as usual for example at work or at school, accept that this is how it is – and that it is a natural reaction.
• Prioritize what is most important to do.
• Talk to someone about what you have been through. Put into words how you feel and what you are thinking about. When you are with family or friends, you can relive the trauma in a safe atmosphere, in order for you to learn how to live with the traumatic experience.
• Accept help and support from friends and family.
• Avoid isolating yourself at home – perhaps invite family and friends over.
• For some, it can help to write about what they have been through. However, wait until some time has passed before doing so.

Children need to know what has happened and what will happen. Children often think about how they can ease the situation for the adults, and children can therefore refrain from asking questions, especially if the adults are affected by the situation.

Children are prone to form their own interpretation of the incident. Therefore, it is important that the adult takes the initiative to talk to the child about it.

Show the child that you are affected too. Make sure there are adults with the child who can be of support.

Ensure that everyday life is normalized for the child as quickly as possible.

If you are a relative to a person who has experienced a violent incident, it is quite natural that it also evokes strong feelings and reactions in you.

You will probably do what you can to help, but also be aware of how you feel and how many resources you have available.

How you can help

Here are some good tips on how you can help – in the early stages and in the longer term:

• Say that you are there. In the first acute phase, it is important that the person in crisis does not feel alone. Therefore, be present and say clearly to them: "You are not alone, I am here for you".
• Show care – listen, talk, and give a hug. Listen and ask how the person in crisis is doing. They may need to talk about the experience again and again, but breaks are also important, so the incident or grief does not take up all the space.
• Shift focus. Suggest going for a walk or doing something else together. Say that you are willing to listen but also take responsibility for talking about other things – or doing something together that can distract from the difficult things.
• Accept reactions and outbursts. Especially in the early stages, the person in crisis may do or say things that should not be taken at face value. Even people who are usually balanced can become irritable and/or angry, and the strong negative feelings may be directed towards those closest to them.
• Be there for the other person. Be present and try to calm the person in crisis if needed. Children typically find comfort if gently stroked on the back between the shoulder blades. The same thing can help if an adult is very anxious or crying intensely but should not be used if a person has experienced physical assault. Instead, wrap a blanket around the person – or suggest going for a walk together. Walk slowly and stop if needed.
• Pay attention – and be extra alert if there are signs that the person intends to harm him/herself or others.
• Be patient. It takes time to process serious incidents.
• Be available – to the extent that you can. Offer to stay with the person in crisis for the first few days and nights.
• Offer help with practical tasks (cooking, laundry, etc.). You can also help with what needs to be done outside the home, such as shopping, but be aware if the person in crisis is starting to isolate themselves at home.
• Do things together. Help each other with practical tasks – or do something else together. Being together about something can help reduce possible strong feelings of loneliness or pain.

Care and help in the first 6 hours

Do not ask too many questions about what happened. Show care and help the person to calm down.

Read more about what is important in the first hours after the incident earlier on the page.

Help gently bring the person "back to reality"

People who have experienced a violent incident may be inclined to deny what happened. This is a normal reaction.

A variant of this reaction is that the person denies any emotional pain.

In the long run, it can cause problems if the person in crisis does not start to "open up" and address what has happened.

This is something to be aware of when you want to help – and it can be a bit of a balancing act:

• Do not push if the person is not ready to talk "in depth" about what happened.
• Accept that you may be rejected, and do not take it personally.
• Ask gently about the situation. This shows that you are ready to talk about it, even though it is difficult.
• It is good if you try to encourage and strike a lighter tone, but also understand that the person in crisis may need you to be with them in their pain.
• Be patient and only push a little. Saying "pull yourself together" will likely reinforce the difficult feelings in the affected person
• Suggest activities that can temporarily shift focus away from the anxiety and pain the person in crisis is experiencing. This can help rebuild confidence and belief in things. It can distract from the many difficult thoughts and ruminations.

REMEMBER: As a relative, your role can also be to help the person in crisis seek professional help or counseling.

Be aware of your own limitations

As a relative, you can be of valuable support. However, it is important that you are aware of your own limitations:

• Tell the person in crisis if you are unsure how best to help and support but also tell them that you want to help.
• Also, be aware if you need to talk to someone to process the situation.
• It is not uncommon for relatives to need professional help. Contact your own doctor, a social worker, or a psychologist. For some, it can also be helpful to talk to a priest.

Both you, who have experienced a violent incident, and your relatives may need to seek professional help. Here is an overview of some of the services you can use:

• Your own doctor can help you or refer you to for example a psychologist or a counseling group. The doctor's phone number is on your health insurance card.
• The emergency medical service can be contacted on phone 70 11 31 31 outside your own doctor’s hours.
• The psychiatric advice phone can be contacted on phone 78 47 04 70.

You can seek help by contacting your own doctor.

Outside your doctor’s opening hours, you can contact the following:

Region Hovedstaden

Contact the emergency medical service on the phone number 1813. You are also welcome to contact one of the 5 emergency departments located in Glostrup, Hillerød, Ballerup, Amager, and Bispebjerg.

Region Nordjylland

The emergency medical service can be reached on the phone number 70 15 03 00. You can also contact the psychosocial counseling of the Psychiatry by making a phone call to the Psychiatry Information at phone number 97 64 30 00.

Region Sjælland

The emergency medical service can be reached on the phone number 1818. You can also contact one of the region’s three Psychiatric Emergency Admissions in Vordingborg, Roskilde, or Slagelse.

Region Syddanmark

Contact the psychiatric emergency departments in Vejle, Esbjerg, Odense, and Aabenraa. 

You can find phone numbers for the psychiatric emergency departments in Region Syddanmark here.

• The Psychiatry Foundation, phone number 39 25 25 25
• Victim Support, phone number 72 19 36 60
• National Association for Help to Victims of Violence, phone number 20 11 66 12
• The Lifeline, phone number 70 20 12 01
• Danish National Center for Grief, phone number 70 99 20 03